Greatest Cover Boy ever!
Myfootballclub.co.uk (of which I am a member) has announced they have bought Ebbsfleet United FC. This is an exciting project. The team is in the middle of the pack in the national Conference (think of it as division 5 in English soccer) with a decent shot at moving up this year alone. Remember for my fellow yanks, soccer around the world is set up to reward good teams and punish bad teams by promoting the best and regulating the worst to new divisions. More on this later.
Okay, first the wikipedia article on Sealand now names their coach and team http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Principality_of_Sealand
Next, you MUST check out http://www.ufwc.co.uk/ as it lists the current “World Champs” of soccer– if soccer had initiated a belt system for their title just like Boxing. In other words, starting at the dawn of international soccer if you got a title for beating the title holder then here’s how it would go down. Therefor, Turkey are the current world Championship Belt holders. Awesome stuff.
To Johnny’s Dad:
Hello Johnny’s dad, as you know I do not have any teenagers. I have never raised kids to young-adulthood. I have never had to give my kid an allowance (he’s only 2), and I have never had to deal with struggling to pay bills with a small household budget (I do pretty well for myself). I’ve heard you’ve done quite a good job stretching the family resources and have actually turned around the family budget from a negative balance to a positive one. Good for you.
However, I’ve been thinking for awhile and I know what’s best for your kid. I KNOW you should start giving Johnny an allowance of $500 a week. Now, I know you’re thinking Johnny can’t handle $500 a week. But how can you be sure? I mean, if you haven’t given Johnny exactly $500, how do you know he’ll blow it on stupid stuff and get in trouble? How can you sit there and say “it’s not right” to give him $500. How can you say he’s shown you nothing to suggest he’ll make good choices with the $500? You don’t know till you’ve tried it. Why, back when he was 2 you gave him a quarter and he did good with that, so I think he’ll be good with the $500. I know he spent his $20 allowance on candy then forgot and left it in someone’s car. However, you need to give him $500 and see what happens. It’s really UNFAIR to him to not try this. Yes, I know this will limit or even totally end the allowance you can give to your other kids, but dang it, how will you know how Johnny will act with his $500 if you don’t let him try it. Plus, even though the holiday season is comming and funds are limited in your house, you should totally do this now. It has to be now, Johnny’s getting impatient. He say’s he’s about to quit doing chores if his allowance doesn’t go up soon–real soon. I know he’s done nothing to show you he can handle the responsibility, but by golly, you have to give him a chance some day. You’d better do it now. I think he can handle it (sure I have no experience and you’re practically an expert at raising teenagers, but you’d better listen to me). Sure, that might affect your household’s ability to pay the bills, but dang it, we should do all we can for Johnny. Johnny cares so much for the family, he’s been in the family for years, he’s a good kid. Reward his completion of the basics by giving him a $500 allowance. No one specifically ever made it clear to him before that if he’s no good with money he won’t be giving a bigger allowance. I’ve seen kids like him do some good with money before–trust me. Even though I have no teenagers, I have no expeirence, I’m biased beyond all belief, I think I’m a good judge at this… give Johnny the money… now!
Johnny’s soccer coach.
P.S. What was that you wanted to ask me about Johnny’s lack of playing time?
A quick story– a man is cleaning out his mother’s house when he discovers a painting in a frame hidden in the back of the closet. It’s a nice painting, nothing pretty, kind of aukward actually. The barn in the paining is drawn a little out of proportion. You can tell it’s a barn, but you wouldn’t really want your barn looking like this. The man is convinced that it’s a Rembrandt. Now Rembrandt never painted a bright red barn with “see rock city” splashed across the roof, but none-the-less the man is convinced. Once a year the PBS show “Antique Roadshow” comes to town, once a year the picture is taken in and shown to experts who explain, nope, this isn’t a Rembrandt. Once a year the man is disappointed and angry, he even thinks to himself “they’re wrong, I know all about art. I took a class once, you know?” Every year the same thing happens. Finally after 6 years, the man goes and gets the same reply, at that point he says “well you’re not looking at it close enough.” You need to take it out of the frame, get a looking-glass and really inspect it. I’m sure you’ll see what I see. The man is told that he’s mistaken. The man goes farther, he now starts to question the art expert’s knowledge compaired to his own. The man is getting nowhere with the expert, so he then decides to question the art expert’s manner–”maybe you should look at it with the magnifying lense, or better yet, we’ll put in on the wall at the Metropolitian Museum of Art, put the sign under it “Rembrandt: Barn with ‘See Rock City’ on it.” Everyone will agree with me then! The expert explains he is mistaken and he’s not going to put this on the Met’s walls. The man then explains that the expert should trust him, he’s been around art for a long time and brings a different perspective. Forget that the art expert has done this for 8 years, forget his training, forget his dedication, no, the Man MUST BE RIGHT!
This is the nice way of explaining to you what dealing with that one parent is like. Only worse. I didn’t even put in the most disrespectful stuff the guy pulls.